So, I have not posted in a while and you may not remember me. Anyway, I've used this forum many times as a get out of jail free card for life. Everyone here is so open, and wonderfully supportive in ways I haven't found on other.... 'support' sites.
I'm only 25, and I'm aware that the question of marriage should be a long way off since I'm in a very committed relationship and don't want children. My fear is, watching other girls my age get married to what seem like their soulmates, should I worry that mine has not proposed? He is waiting on things like money for a ring, and ability to raise a family, before he commits. I'm from a very non-traditional family, and his is very normal. He wants to 'do things right,' and I just want to 'do things!' Am I crazy for feeling a little hurt that he hasn't officially asked yet?
You see those bushes over there? I've tried them berries green, and I've tried 'em red, and I've tried 'em brown. And I have come to the conclusion that they just ain't good berries! --Tommy, the Aging Groundskeeper at the Community College
<I remember you>
I am in a similar situation....I am 30 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years.
We are both saving up for getting married but he has not "officially asked" (we did exchange promise rings like a million years ago....lol I think it was the first valentines day we were together) I told him a couple of years ago that if he ever asked me to marry him, I would say yes.
I want to purchase a home and both of us need better jobs before we start a family (not sure if we want kids or not at this point).I get frustrated when his familiy starts bugging him about it (so does he)
So no, you are not crazy for feeling hurt. Maybe talk with him? Let him know how your feeling. And while he is saving up for the engagement ring, maybe suggest a nice inexpensive ring? Mike paid 35.00 for mine and it was custom made too (sapphire and labradorite)
Rainy Pacific Northwest
girls ... you know its 2011 ... ask him ...
(and as for the rings - thats not all its is .... I even been married - never had an engagement ring - and the wedding rings was the cheapest you could get - cause its not the important thing)
I'm 43 (ack! almost 44!) and I was married when I was 23, divorced at 36.
My boyfriend and I have known each other for 40 years, were close friends in high school, but we didn't become a "couple" until we were 41. We know we aren't ever splitting up at this point, and we also know we're never getting married either. (he's never been married, never had children).
I'm totally good with that, we have no real reason to be married. However, I do have to say I find it annoying and silly that I call him my "boyfriend" when we're both 44 years old! LOL. Friends keep asking us when we're going to announce a wedding date too. Equally annoying.
My mother told me to change our Facebook Relationship status to Married and call it good. ROTFLOL. I love my mom, she's hilarious.
I wish I had an answer for you ladies, but I really don't. Inca might have the right answer.... Ask him.
I think it's time for the two of you to have some honest discussion about your individual wants and needs. What do you both want out of the relationship, and out of a marriage? Are you in a committed relationship if he isn't ready to commit? Or is he committed to a monogamous relationship at this point in time, but not forever? How do you both define commitment? Is he content to not have children? If he wants specific things, like the ability to buy a house, or support a wife and family or anything else before marriage, how is he working towards these goals? Are both of you sure that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, or are you still figuring that out? Have you been together long enough to know that?
These are the kinds of things that a lot of people don't know yet for themselves. Figure them out as much as possible, and you'll know the right answer for you.
Hope this helps,
sounds gorgeous! anyway, what's funny is my router went kaput shortly after i posted that, and the boy and I were forced to spend some 'not sitting next to each other on the internet' time together. A joy, my friends. We talked, and laughed, and I realised that marriage isn't at all what I wanted, per se. He is working towards his goals, and I'm working towards mine. He laughed at me that I thought I needed a ring to know he is committed, 'always and forever,' as he put it. So, thanks for your feedback--I knew you were the right people to bring this up to!
That's great to hear! And I have to laugh about the internet comment - too true for most of us!
That internet comment got me chuckling too-guilty!
Glad you two were able to work that out. FWIW: my BIL/SIL dated for 16 years before actually tying the knot-nearly as long as DH & I have been married. My aunt & uncle did the same thing but I can't remember now how long they were together before making it official. Get married (or not) whenever it's right for you and enjoy each other in the meantime. :)
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My Father, gave me a copy of "AnnLandersor Dear Abby" When my current DH and moved in together. (He didn't say anything, just handed me and envelope with a Newspaper clipping.
You must have a Birth Certificate To show you Exist and where you were born
You can't enroll in school with out a Birth Certificate.
you need a Drivers License to Drive.
You need a Birth Certificate to get a Drivers License
Your not legally Dead without a Death Certificate
You can't rent a movie withour a drivers License.
Yet, the most important relationship you will ever encounter, is your "Partner for Life", Why do you think you don't need a License that says you are now one.
I don't remember exactly, We been Married close to 30 yrs. We live together for 9months.(for me the big deal was this is husband #4)This is the general Gist of the article.
In Hospital, and funeral homes, if you are not the spouse, You have no say on the care etc.
Well, My two cents worth to my own kids, is "Go with your heart".
I wish you all the Best.
Blessed are those who can Give, without remembering
and Take with out Forgetting
New to the forum, hope you don't mind me jumping in with my input.
Three years ago my husband firmly believed he would never get married. "It's an institution, I don't need a piece of paper" etc... I finally decided that I loved him so much I didn't care, and I told him "I'll live in sin with you forever." Six months later, he proposed. I think its a matter of really deciding if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life even if its not on your terms, and after deciding, who knows... maybe fate will surprise you ;)
if you have a durable, reciprocal power of attorney and a living will, you can handle the hospitals and illness issues. if you both have your wills - then that takes care of the death issue and make sure there's wording that if anyone contests the will they are excluded from inheriting anything.
i didn't marry until i was 35, so it's been just over 20 years. i helped him raise his sons.
it would have been just as fine, living with him all that time and not being married.
but if you have children, both of you be there for them.
remember to love your children more than you dislike an 'ex' - should that ever happen.
No one is likely to contest my will, but I love putting the caveat of contest=exclusion in there. We see plenty of subpoenas at work for people contesting the wills of family members and it's pretty sad really. I'm sure there are instances where something really was worded improperly and a person has a legitimate issue but most of the time it seems like people are just arguing over who got more than who.
What great advice (except for Dad!) and I was happily, wonderfully surprised. I want to hug all of you.
It's not the paper that's important. It's how you feel, how they feel and how it works for the two of you. Better to be with someone, because you both want to be, than because a piece of paper makes you.
Love should always be the answer. Relationships are personal. They're like beads - everyone has they're likes and dislikes. People are people - they change, we change. We should always love and as long as we're "in love," stay there and be happy. but when the "in love" changes, don't stop loving, he/she is still the same person you fell "in love" with and you learned a lot and so did they. Be appreciative and go on to learning the next lesson whatever it is.
If the piece of paper is that important than you shouldn't get married. If being together is that important, and you want, then get married.
A piece of paper doesn't make a person a good spouse or good parents. A good and loving person makes a good person and good parents. I've known children that were miserable because the only thing that kept their parents together was a piece of paper - it's just a piece of paper.
I've know lots of friends that have ended loving relationships that are still friends. I don't know any divorced friends that are honestly still friends. Ending a relationship can happen through communication. Divorce ends with the blame game.
You don't need a license for a horse, boat and many other vehicles. For 54 years cars were driven without a license. Licenses were designed to create revenue to pave roads for automobiles.
For thousands of years there were no marriage license as we know it - loving ceremonies, yes. In the Middle Ages at a time of great taxation, the marriage license as we know it was created to turn women into chattel, which means personal property, to bring in revenue and to take power away from women and place it in the hands of their spouse.
Live together - love together. Marriage License or ceremony or not - your choice, as it should be. Not anyone elses. BUT always love.
Tip: To stop metal findings from tarnishing store in a ZIP Lock bag with a chunk of chalk.